The wedding day tends to pass by in a blur: a year plus of planning done in what feels like the snap of a finger. And don’t get me wrong, the day will be fantastic! The ceremony will be beautiful, the photos will go smoothly, the reception will be lively and fun - but you may still look back and wish you had implemented a quiet moment just for the two of you to share. As a wedding photographer who captures couples in Mesa, Gilbert, and all over Arizona, I have seen how these little moments become the most beautiful and heavily cherished moments for my couples. After all, amongst the music, the loud cheers, and the whirlwind of “congratulations”, you both deserve a second to catch your breath and be present with one another.
Here are my favorite ways to slow down the clock and create a private sanctuary for just a few moments on your wedding day.
A First Touch
If you are interested in an intimate moment before the ceremony but want to hold onto the tradition of seeing each other for the first time at the ceremony, a First Touch may be the perfect addition to your wedding timeline! A First Touch does not involve seeing your partner - only touching them. Writing that out, I get why it might sound weird but hear me out!
Do you remember the first time you held your partner's hand? The “zing” of electricity, the butterflies in your stomach? Okay, well now imagine it’s the day of your wedding. You’ve spent all this time planning and it’s finally here! But between an early morning to get ready and sorting out all the final details - it has already been a day! You just finished getting ready when you are whisked away by your photographer and suddenly you are standing back-to-back with the love of your life. You both reach out, your fingers brush, tracing each other's hands until they are intertwined. The world is quiet, your thoughts have calmed, the weight of the day lifts because your person is here. You are together, just as you will always be.
I always recommend this to my couples because it truly is a powerful moment that can ground both of you as you finish preparing for the ceremony. It is also one of the easier private moments to add to a timeline because they can be as quick or long as you want. Typically couples spend about 5 minutes doing a First Touch, but if they want to elevate the experience, they may also incorporate a Private Vow/Letter Reading to make the moment last longer. I even recommend starting with a First Touch when doing a First Look to make it a full sensory experience!
The only challenge that comes with a First Touch is the location. There are three boxes I try to check when looking for the perfect spot: it must be aesthetically pleasing with good lighting, hidden so no one will disturb or see the couple, and positioned so that you can’t see each other - corners are a typical go-to! So if you are wanting to add an intimate private moment to your wedding day but still want to honor tradition consider adding a First Touch to your wedding day!
A First Look
First Looks are not a grey area: you either love the idea of them or you want no part. However, moving past the debate of wedding traditions, a First Look creates a deeply emotional opportunity for couples as it allows the couple to have that moment of seeing one another for the first time in private vs in public. While a First Touch may be about the spark of physical connection, a First Look expands that experience into a full, visual embrace.
Imagine standing in a beautiful, but secluded, space at your venue. You’ve been standing for what feels like a few too many minutes when suddenly you hear it - the rustle of the dress, the echo of footprints, the swish of fabric. The sound gets closer, and closer until finally you can feel their presence behind you. A hand on the back, a tap on the shoulder - you slowly turn to see the love of your life standing there, glowing. To you, they are the most beautiful person you have ever seen and then it hits you - this is the person you are spending the rest of your life with. Every moment, every path, every choice has led to this person standing in front of you choosing you forever just as you have chosen them.
It’s a moment that yes, perhaps you would have experienced at the ceremony. But it is a moment that won’t get rushed along by the officiant starting the ceremony or get lost when your focus shifts to all the guests who are watching. It is a moment shared just between the two of you and whether you continue the moment with a joke, a few tears, a hug, or reading words to one another - it is a moment that you two can ground yourselves and perhaps shift your focus before the whirlwind of the wedding day begins.
First Looks can also be a layered experience by starting with a First Touch and then potentially moving into a Private Vow/Letter Reading. How you design these moments is absolutely up to you!
Many times, couples will utilize First Looks so that they can do either couple, full family, and/or full wedding party photos before the ceremony. And although this is a great way to lessen the load for post ceremony photos, I would advise that you still put time in your timeline for couple portraits after the ceremony closer to golden hour. Typically, First Looks are done when the sun is still full and high in the sky, so if you only get couple portraits during this time you may not get dreamy, soft lighting that you typically see in wedding portraits. The exception is if you are having your ceremony at sunset. When this happens, you must get photos before the ceremony or you will get photos done in the dark.
An Elopement to Vegas Mid-Reception
Okay, now hear me out - although this is a guaranteed way to ensure that you will have plenty of private intimate moments on your wedding day, it was a setup to get your attention because this next section is easy to look over - but absolutely shouldn’t! The 3rd intimate and private moment you can add to your wedding timeline is a Private Vow/Letter Reading.
Now, you may think to yourself, “We’re already doing vows at the ceremony so isn’t this unnecessary?” And the answer is not at all!
While western weddings have evolved to typically include heartfelt personal vows, the core meaning is still the same. They are beautiful memories, reasons, and promises that you are sharing with one another in front of those who love and support you the most. But for some, the deepest promises aren’t meant for a microphone and that is where a Private Vow or Letter Reading comes in.
Even those who are already doing a personal vow reading at their ceremony, may add a Private Vow/Letter Reading to their wedding day so they have an opportunity to allow themselves to be truly vulnerable with each other and share things that perhaps they don’t want others to hear. Maybe it is an impactful moment that is too personal for a crowd, perhaps it is a joke that only the two of you will understand, or maybe it really is about having a private safe space with each other - a moment of grounding calm amongst the whirlwind of the day.
I’ve found that Private Vow/Letter Readings are especially crucial for those who tend to feel the weight of the spotlight. I personally am one of those people. For me, it was incredibly hard to remain in the moment at my own wedding because I struggle with being the center of attention. Private Vow/Letter Readings can also create beautiful, highly emotionally charged moments for those who struggle displaying emotions - men in particular. We’ve captured a Private Vow Reading at a wedding where the groom was so moved while pouring his heart out that he had to stop and let the bride say her words first so that he could catch his breath.
Private Vow/Letter Reading creates a powerful moment of intimacy between couples that can amplify other private moments like the First Touch or the First Look. But, a Private Vow/Letter Reading does not have to happen before the ceremony. These moments can also happen right after the ceremony or even sometime during the reception! The point is that you are stepping away, creating a safe space, and sharing a heartfelt moment that you will remember forever.
A Private Escape
No matter how much you enjoyed your wedding day, the reality is that it is still a DAY! From the 7:00 AM wake-up for hair and makeup to the final buttoning of the tux and straight into the rush of the ceremony - weddings are a constant flow of movement! The seats are filled with those you love and your eyes are held by the one you will love forevermore. Vows are exchanged, you kiss, and then - immediately - it’s time for photos. Family is wrangled, groupings are organized, and honestly… Your face is starting to hurt from all this smiling. But there isn’t time to really think about that because next comes the grand entrance, followed by speeches, cake, and hours of dancing! Suddenly it’s 11:00 PM and you realize that this car ride home is the first time you have actually been alone with your partner all day.
Wedding days, no matter how beautiful, can feel like an absolute whirlwind of a day that passes by in the blink of an eye. Which is why I try to encourage my couples to consider carving out 5-10 minutes out of their timeline for a Private Escape. These few moments are so important because they force you to slow down and let it sink in: you two just made it official!
How you spend this time is entirely up to you! Some use it as a time to pray together while some use this time to read a Private Vow/Letter. Others may use it to breathe and snuggle close, so that for a moment, it isn’t the bass from the DJ they hear, but each other's heartbeats.
While the "when" is up to you, I always caution couples to consider the logistics of the afternoon.Couples often want to have their Private Escape immediately after the ceremony - which is understandable as that’s the big climax of the day. However, doing this does have some drawbacks. Gathering family for photos can be difficult and once they are gathered if there are any delays before photos start, they may begin to wander which can potentially cause an additional 10 minute delay. And although that doesn’t sound like much, losing 10 minutes of photo taking time can be detrimental. To protect your peace, and the best lighting, I often recommend doing a Private Escape once the formal portraits are wrapped up but before you enter the reception. It allows the "hustle" of the afternoon to settle so you can join your party feeling relaxed. But, as said before, it’s your wedding day and if you are set on having a Private Escape right after the ceremony then do it! Just be sure to communicate with your vendors and consider designating the job of “family gatherer” to someone in your wedding party to help round people up and ensure they stay put. Because believe me, the sun is not going to delay its setting regardless of how long it takes to find your Aunt Linda and Uncle Bob!
A First Look at the Reception Hall
This is a new one that a recent bride at Schnepf Farms in Queen Creek added to her wedding day, and honestly, I think every couple should consider it! While this private moment heavily depends on your venue’s layout - specifically if they have a separate space for cocktail hour - it is a perfect way to honor the months of planning you put into your wedding day!
Weddings are no joke! There is so much time, effort, and energy poured into every single detail. One area where that attention to detail truly shines is the reception hall. From the color of the table runners to the specific chargers, napkins, and the unique centerpieces - every detail was carefully considered, and you deserve to see it all come together. And yea…you can absolutely take a peek at the reception hall before the ceremony - but the floating candles you picked out won’t be lit and the fairy lights you chose to add a whimsical twinkle won’t be turned on. And yea…you can glance at the tables once the reception starts - but the tables will be crowded by the guests so although you can still see your work you won’t see a “clean” version of it.
That is where a First Look at the Reception Hall comes in! This is a moment, post ceremony, while your guests are enjoying cocktail hour, when you both take just a couple of minutes to step into your reception hall to see your vision come to life. But you don’t have to be “married” to the idea that this is exclusively for viewing the reception. You could make this the time when you do your Private Escape, or when you exchange gifts with one another, or perhaps you want to share a Private Vow/Letter, or maybe you want to implement that Private Last Dance, or maybe you just leave it as it is - a moment to enjoy the beautiful space you have created. For my Schnepf Farms couple, the family had a surprise waiting for the bride which made this moment even more emotionally charged and I am sure it is one they will always cherish.
From a photographer's perspective, doing a First Look at the Reception Hall gives me an opportunity to capture the hall, and all those details, when it is lit up! Generally, I am able to find a few minutes to capture the reception decor before the ceremony starts… but I am rarely allotted time to capture the reception area once the wedding day begins. And although the details captured in the afternoon light are beautiful, especially at some venues like Colby Falls in Gilbert, there is something truly magical about how a reception looks with every candle and light twinkling in the soft, golden light of sunset.
A Private Dance
Whether you are not comfortable dancing in front of a crowd or you want one last intimate moment on the dancefloor with your partner - a Private Dance is a must-have moment to add to your wedding timeline!
Generally, these are done as a “Last Dance” at the very end of the wedding reception. While the guests are being lined up for the grand exit, you and your partner stay for one last song. The room is cleared, the day is done, and it’s just the two of you. The adrenaline fades, the joyful memories of the day start to feel real - and you let one last song soak it all in so you can replay them later.
But, these don’t always have to happen as a last dance. As previously mentioned, this is a great option for those who are absolutely dreading that public first dance or for those who have a strong emotional connection to music and want to communicate to each other through dance in a private setting. I am a huge advocate for a Private Dance because I have experienced the impact firsthand long before I knew a “Private Dance” was even a thing! In fact, I didn’t even know how to describe my experience outside of “practice” until I sat down to write this blog!
I was that bride who was super anxious for their first dance because I myself am not a dancer! So on the morning of our wedding, while we were setting up the tables and doing the final touches, Jonathan and I took a moment and escaped to a private space to “practice” - and I was shocked at how much of an emotional experience that was! In that private moment, the day became real - and it remains one of the most impactful memories of my entire wedding day.
You don’t have to have a traditional Private Dance at the end of the reception - and you certainly don’t have to be like me and have it before the wedding day even starts - but you can absolutely sprinkle one into a Private Escape, right after your First Look, or while you are viewing the reception hall for the first time. Because the point of the Private Dance isn’t to “dance”; it’s about creating a bubble of intimacy through the music and physical connection. After all, as Martha Graham puts it, “Dance is the hidden language of the soul.”
Wedding days tend to pass in a blur, but there are so many beautiful ways to intentionally slow down the clock. As a Mesa wedding photographer who works with couples all across Arizona, I have seen first hand how adding these little moments are incredibly impactful. Whether you’re here for more information on a particular private moment you are already planning or you are just looking for a bit of inspiration on how you can make your day feel more intentional - I hope you have found something here that resonated with you!
After all, the party is for your guests…but the day? The day is for the two of you!
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